I spent the few months prior to the wedding planning out a bachelor party for the groom and avoiding the speech altogether. It was too much for me to think about having to stand in front of Diment and Cardenas relatives, former UVA classmates, and complete strangers spilling my heart to the bride and groom. As a seasoned wedding pianist, I had seen many a drunken, unlettered, or unprepared dingus embarrass himself as the bestest mensch. I vowed that I would not be a bumbling best man.
The bachelor party was a smashing success, as the groomsmen braved a late D.C. February snowstorm to revel in Alex's pending matrimony, weekend warrior style. Despite our jobs and extended time away from college, we somehow remembered how to have fun. By the time March rolled around, I hadn't penned a lick of the speech.
The only known surviving photo of the gallant groom's bachelor party
I got a bit of a boost from my girlfriend, Cams, who gave me some handy best man reading - two ebooks titled Being the Best Man for Dummies, and Be The Best Man & Make a Stunning Speech. These texts proved to be invaluable, laying out the complete history of the best man, what to expect, how to support the groom in the role, and, of course, how to write an original and entertaining best man speech. Still, the writing was slow going. I wanted the words to come out perfectly, but the quality writing process is not so.
Cams suggested that I let the words flow, write down all the thoughts that come to my head, and then subsequently focus on refining the material. I didn't really have anything substantial until two weeks before showtime, and was getting that sinking feeling I used to get the night before a paper was due in college. I had done some of my best undergraduate work under the influence of adrenaline with a deadline looming over my head, so I harkened back to what I learned on Grounds, knuckled down, and got the speech down on paper. In the week leading up to the wedding, I was still editing and revamping some sections, but felt optimistic about what I had so far.
The confidence I had in my speech quickly drained when I realized I had still had to practice reciting it out loud. I've never liked the sound of my own voice, and always felt somewhat awkward making public speeches. I don't have stage fright per se, but have never looked forward to presenting in school or church. Nonetheless, I gave it the old college try. I worked on my facial expressions and gestures, and practiced pauses, inflections, and vocal dynamics to try and breathe more life into my speech. I rehearsed in front of Cams, and she gave me further suggestions on how to improve. The day of the wedding rehearsal, I hurriedly printed my three page speech, and told myself it was as good as it was going to get. Cams and I headed down Rt. 29, and turned up in Charlottesville around 2 in the afternoon.
Reviewing the playbook at the dress rehearsal
As those who know, a decent sized wedding is a combination of spectacle, family reunion, and college homecoming, You get the rare opportunity to see a crazy aunt from South Carolina in the same venue as a college buddy from freshman year. My best friend's wedding was a UVA-centric affair, held in Charlottesville, the home of our alma mater. The ceremony contained a mixture of Filipino-Catholic elements, complete with communion and several smaller ceremonies (coin blessing,cord/veil draping) unique to the Filipino tradition.
All in all, the wedding, from the music to the food to the reception was superb, and my speech turned out to be the right stuff. There were some laughing, crying, and reminiscing moments sprinkled throughout the speech, and I received several compliments at the end of the reception from friends and family, including the father of the bride. As a successful best man, I wanted to share some best man thoughts that have rambled through my head during the past two months:
1) Prepare for the speech - Proper planning prevents poor performance. Nothing looks worse than a flustered guy in a suit blundering through an off-the-cuff speech. At multiple weddings, I've seen best men sidle up to the microphone full of booze and bravado, and then totally blank out. Inevitably, they try to recall memories (mostly off-color) of the bride or groom, exacerbating the situation even more. Most people aren't oratory maestros, so a bit of preparation goes a long way. At the least, use some notecards and jot down your ideas before they get erased by the celebratory shots after the ceremony. Knowing my lack of extemporaneous speech-making capabilities, I typed up my entire speech, and enlarged the font for better view.
2) Support the groom - Be the Scottie Pippen to the groom's Michael Jordan. Like the Bulls' legendary multifaceted forward, the best man should complement the groom in every aspect of the ceremony. The groom's mind will be on the bride and the magnitude of the moment, so expect to assist in some logistics, planning, and lots of moral support. Luckily, Alex and his wedding coordinator had thought of most everything, so my responsibilities were limited to delivering a check to the priest and musicians, holding the rings before the exchange, and participating in the cord/veil draping ceremonies.
3) Don't drink too much - Cherish the moment and remember it. I vowed that I would celebrate with the rest of my friends at the wedding, but not get hammered drunk. I needed to be coherent enough to get through a speech without alcohol affecting my brain. I still wanted to be able to assist the groom in the time of emergency, and enjoy my girlfriend's company as well. It turns out that the bride's father needed help moving a large pile of wedding gifts back to his hotel suite after the reception, and my roommate and I were ready for the task.
4) Don't throw the bride (or groom) under the bus - Regardless of your thoughts about the couple, the tradition of marriage, or the wedding itself, add positive energy in being supportive to both the bride and the groom. It is not becoming for the wedding couple to have a groomsman/bridesmaid who does not encourage them on their special day.
5) You aren't the star of the show, you are the sideman for the bride and groom - Any bluesman that was worth their salt had a steady, reliable sideman that enhanced their music. The sideman provided little embellishments behind the star in helping shape the star's sound. A good best man functions in the same way, working behind the scenes and helping in any way he can.
That's me and my lovely girlfriend, Cams, enjoying the wedding reception.
As far as advice goes, that's all I got. All weddings are different and the best man has unique responsibilities and roles in each one. However, in the modern age of weddings, what does not differ is the best man's most visible and meaningful task - making a stellar speech. Below is a link to Valerie and Alex's wedding montage (set to the audio of some of my speech), and the speech text. Special thanks to Cams for helping me with the speech every step of the way, and being my cheerleader when I needed motivation. The thoughtfulness and depth of your love never fail to amaze me.
https://vimeo.com/125152937
Alex’s Best Man Speech
For those of you who don’t know who I am, my name is Josh Borden, and I am the best man. First of all, thank you to the Cardenas and Diment families for their love and support of Valerie and Alex. None of this would be possible without you. Thank you to Father Jerome, the bridesmaids, the groomsmen, and everyone who helped in the service. Thank you to the bridesmaids for helping the bride, you all look amazing.
So believe it or not, this is the second time Alex is getting married – The first wedding in 2013, he married a girl by the name of Valerie Cardenas and now, he’s marrying a girl named Valerie Diment.
I remember when Alex told me he was going to propose to Valerie in December of 2012. Alex and I chat on the phone a couple times a week after work, and during this call, he shared with me in hushed tones, in his Alex Diment way, “My dude…I’m about to propose to Val.” I responded with, “Forreal!?” Alex excitedly replied, and said, “Yeah bro.” A few weeks after that he asked me to be his best man. So when you think about it, I’ve had more than two years to prepare for this speech, and I’m still not ready.
I make my speech while the happy couple looks on
My friendship with Alex started because I was lucky enough to join the same Filipino club at UVA that brought Valerie and Alex together. I had met Alex my first year, but we became friends during my second year, Alex’s third year. We cultivated our friendship when we lived together Alex’s final year at UVA, and he’s been my best friend ever since.
Our friendship has been characterized by crazy camping trips, cheesy references to Angels in the Outfield and the Mighty Ducks trilogy, the ups and downs of being a UVA sports fan, countless phone conversations, and a lifetime of stories that begin with, “So do you remember that time at St. Maartens?”
So I had a bunch of embarrassing stuff to share with you all about Alex, but the list was just too long (this is where I whip out a mock scroll of Alex's embarrassing moments) so I’ll have to spare you the details.
Just kidding. There are many character traits that define Alex and make him the man we all know and love. For one thing, Alex is stubborn. A testament to that is his refusal to not go camping, even when Mother Nature herself tells him he shouldn’t. Alex, do you recall the time you, me, and Tri went camping in sub-20 degree weather? Or how about the time our tent almost blew away in Hurricane Sandy? Yes, once Alex sets his mind on something, there’s no dissuading him.
As his brother can attest, Alex is tenacious at proving a point. As a boy one night, Alex kept meat in his mouth from dinner time to morning. His mom was, and I quote, shocked and appalled that he kept the food in his mouth the whole night.
Alex is also a very imaginative person who has created a colorful cast of characters that come to life through his impressions. Some of you – Valerie especially – may have made acquaintances with Sharkie Steve, Sean O’Malley, and Tater. To anyone else, keeping up with Alex’s many alter egos would be an arduous task. But kudos to Valerie for not only keeping up with him, but always being one step ahead.
Is someone cutting onions in here?
I’ve only known Alex since he’s been with Valerie, but I know that Valerie has changed Alex’s life for the better. Alex is happier, a more responsible, more caring, and motivated man because Valerie sees the best in him. Alex and Valerie make each other better, as I have already seen them use the challenges, joys, struggles, and celebrations of marriage to draw closer to each other.
I am overjoyed that we are celebrating the commitment of Alex and Valerie to each other in the presence of those who care most about them. We live in temporary times. Technologies that are cutting edge are soon obsolete. Companies that are household names disappear overnight. Relationships come and go, and commitment is increasingly rare. Even marriage is no longer a prerequisite for starting a family. So let us celebrate the decision of Alex and Valerie to commit to each other in the traditional way of marriage.
This celebration is a testament to the bond you two have developed over time, a bond that has transcended time zones, area codes, and countries. From the Philippines, to Charlottesville, to Fairfax, to Virginia Beach, and now to Boston, you two have always kept each other at the center of your lives. What makes your relationship great is the strength and joy you find in each other. Continue to grow in your love for each other every day. Alex, I may have the title of best man for the day at your wedding, but in life, you have shown everyone that you truly are the best man.
I propose a toast to the happy couple. To quote a very special UVA song, “For as long as love and liquor last, let’s drink to Alex and Valerie.”
photo credit: https://www.facebook.com/wearethemitchells
Cheers to the bride and groom!
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